DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I do not share musical tastes — at all. In the beginning, I thought it was cute. He would listen to certain things that I had never heard of, and vice versa. We explored each other’s musical tastes a bit early on, but now it’s just annoying. When we are in the car, we have gotten to the point where whoever is driving has complete control over the music. This makes the trip annoying for both of us. I have watched us rush to the car to see who gets to drive. Silly stuff, really. This may seem small, but it has boiled to a point of contention. What can we do about it? — Bad Music
DEAR BAD MUSIC: What types of music do you have in common? Before you say “nothing,” think about it. There is so much music out there, I bet you can find a style of music that appeals to both of you, at least in small doses. Why not suggest that next time you are in the car you switch channels every 15 minutes so that each of you gets to enjoy your own music, but you also get to explore other music choices? Suggest it as a game of sorts. As you rest on different channels, listen for a while and tell each other what you liked or didn’t like and vote on the channel. Make a note of the station so you can go back or avoid it as needed. Doing this will address the elephant in the room and also create fun where there was friction.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My older sister works for a company that I’ve always wanted to work for. I’ve had my eye on this company for years — way before she started — and she knows that. She won’t talk to talent acquisition about me because she fears that it will tarnish her reputation if I do poorly. She doesn’t have much faith in me even though I’m qualified for the position that I want to apply for. I really need her help getting my foot in the door. These days it’s all about who you know. How do I get her to help me? — Conflict of Interest
DEAR CONFLICT OF INTEREST: Your sister has made it clear that she won’t help you, so stop trying to get her to be your advocate. She could be right, for other reasons. It truly could be a conflict of interest for her to recommend you. If you do get a job there, you will have to reveal that the two of you are related, which could work for or against you. The fact that she will not have been involved in your hire could be helpful, believe it or not.
Do your research. Do you know anyone else who works for the company? If not, who have you learned about who interests you? Who works in the department where you want to work? Do a cold call to that person and ask for an information interview. Be proactive in meeting and getting to know the people who may be able to open doors for you, and stop resenting your sister. Apply for the job even if you don’t make a personal connection. In your cover letter, tell them how long you have wanted to work there and why. Sell yourself, your ideas to help them and your passion for being there.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend goes to college in Europe and always spends his holidays over there with his family. Due to this, I get to see him for only two weeks in the winter when he comes home. We planned a trip this summer to go backpacking across Europe with his parents and little brother, but after a messy breakup with his girlfriend, he rushed into a new relationship and the plans completely changed. Instead of our original trip, we went to stay at his new girlfriend’s house in Portugal with three of her friends. I wasn’t entirely opposed to the idea, but I was upset that I wouldn’t get as much time to see him as we planned.
On the first day, his girlfriend got in a fight with her friends, and the friends all left, so I became the third wheel. It was extremely awkward since I’m good friends with his ex. I ended up getting a hotel room instead of sleeping on the new girlfriend’s floor, and I left three days early. I really wanted to spend time with my best friend, but his girlfriend kind of ruined it. He asked me to come visit again. How do I tell him that I really don’t want to relive this trip? — Friend Mess
DEAR FRIEND MESS: You landed in the middle of relationship drama. You can’t blame this all on the new girlfriend, though. She and her boyfriend are equally responsible. Sadly, you bore the brunt of their madness. Of course you must talk to your friend — hopefully when his life has calmed down a bit. Tell him that you didn’t appreciate the way he treated you when you visited him. Remind him of what happened specifically and how messy it was. Point out that you are wary of visiting him again until he gets his life in order. No one wants to travel across the world only to be ignored.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
